I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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