Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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