whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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