I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she looked like the before picture.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize