he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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