the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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