In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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