You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
