She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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