Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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