I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
