I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
