so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
