I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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