who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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