Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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