pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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