on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
