Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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