You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
