She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
