call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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