remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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