Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
