Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
