even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
