a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
