i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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