she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
