My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
