the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
