you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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