I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
