He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
