girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
