Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize