Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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