I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I need water and some morals
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