Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
