I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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