did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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