We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you traded sex for a burrito?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize