his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
