A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't deserve a penis
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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