It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
