why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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