a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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