Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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