Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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