there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
