so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
