mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
