People with herpes should wear stickers.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
