So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
