Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Even the bartender felt bad for me
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
