Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
