just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
