Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
