I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
