a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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