I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
