Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
