Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
