3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
