Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also, beer. Big fan.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
